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Hanging onto hurt

By:Alun Jones
Date: Mon,29 Mar 2010
Submitter:Alun Illumine

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Last night I was watching Larkrise to Candleford (which is a period drama surrounding a town and a hamlet, specifically focused upon the Post Office). Dorkus, who owns the Post Office, was in a dilemma about whether to sell the Post Office to secure positions for her staff or keep it and end up losing them. This was all due to an event years ago where she’d let someone down. Despite deeply regretting it and trying to put it right, the other person just continued to try and make her life hell and “pay her back” for what she’d done to him. In the end…. Well you’ll just have to watch it to see what happens! BUT, suffice to say, it all works out for the best one way or another.

It can be incredibly upsetting to see people around us staunchly hanging onto old hurts and putting so much energy into “paying back” others for the pain which was caused. Whether or not the pain was caused intentionally in the first place, I ask is it help to keep hanging onto it? More often than not, when we don’t let go, it is us who suffers the most. Surely that’s just a waste of energy and focus? Were we really put on this earth to “get back” at those who’ve hurt us (whether inadvertently or not?).

Real forgiveness can take some time, admittedly, and one cannot always just forgive overnight. As I have said before – forgiveness does not mean that what was done was “right”, just that one is prepared to let it go and move on. If you find yourself really unable to forgive right now, it can be much more helpful to disengage (whether for the short, medium, or long-term) rather than keep prodding at the wound.

Hanging onto hurt and nurturing the pain is a bit like realising you have a bad cut on your arm that needs time to heal, and yet you keep pulling at it. Some hurts will heal with some antiseptic cream and a plaster, and others need a visit to hospital and some stitches – maybe even a hospital stay. Taking responsibility for how we feel and for own healing is a huge step along the way to forgiveness and our happiness. Is it really that helpful to continue hanging onto pain years after the event? Just think of all the other things a person can achieve if he/she wasn’t wasting energy focusing on something that has now gone. There’s only so long we can blame others for stopping us moving forward.

When refusing to let go of an old hurt because of pride and resentment, who then becomes the creator of unhappiness for all concerned? The original person who caused the hurt, or the person who will not let it go?

I remember a brilliant quote channeled by Esther Hicks during one of her and Jerry’s Law of Attraction events:

“What is it I am focusing upon in the other person that is stopping me from connecting with who I really am?”

Let’s face it, when we are connected with the Deep Soul within, the Authentic Soul which is full of Purity, we know and understand that NOTHING can really harm us. We are Infinite Beings of Light and Love – part of The All That Is – which is Pure, Perfect Love. It is only when we identify and connect with the Ego Self, which will have us believe that we “need to pay the person back” that we feel discontentment, resentment, and the need for revenge. I know which one I like to choose to connect with. Of course I, like you and so many others, don’t always make the connected straight away, but that’s so where I like to be in the end: connected to Pure, Perfect, Love.

I’ll leave you with this thought – when it comes to healing hurts and wounds, it can be better to disengage rather than dis-empower.

"We are extensions of Divine Source. We are the architects of our life. We are the creators of our experience. What are you creating?" Alun Illumine
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